Thursday, December 14, 2006

In case you missed it...

  • It was recently revealed that Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya's late season tendinitis was not due to how hard he was throwing ball, but due to incessant playing of the video game Guitar Hero. I can think of much more embarrassing ways to hurt your wrist, right Eddie Griffin? Just keep Joel away from the octopus toss and everything will be alright.
  • NASCAR has come out with a cologne. Other items located in the Oxymoron department include NASCAR toothpaste, NASCAR tofu, and the full line of NASCAR Kwanzaa products.
  • Dwyane Wade will miss two games this week after having two wisdom teeth removed. The simple surgery took longer than expected when a fourth doctor had to be called in to finish the job after the previous three fouled out.
  • Der Kommissar Stern announced that the NBA will be switching back to all leather balls (tee hee hee) after complaints that the new synthetic balls were cutting players hands. Stern also announced other protective measures such as mandating Ron Artest wear mittens to keep courtside fans safe. For the safety of Knicks fans, Isiah Thomas will not be allowed to talk to other GM's in the league. All elderly fans in San Antonio will be given Old Glory Robot Insurance in case Tim Duncan has one of his "malfunctions"again. For the safety of all Steven Jackson will be put to sleep.
  • After defeating the Army, Navy, and Air Force football team this season, President Bush has decided that the Notre Dame football team will be sent to Iraq as reinforcements. No word on whether Harris Poll voters will be sent over to teach democracy to the Iraqis.

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