Thursday, July 24, 2008

A Look Into The Future

With the All Star Game behind us, many have been reviewing the first part of the season and giving their guess on what will happen in the second half. Well trying to come up with a new angle can be pretty tricky. So that's why I chose to look way ahead, into the future...

The future???

Yes all the way to the Year 2000...

In the yeeeaaarrr 2000...In the yeeeeaarrrr 2000!!!

Curtis Granderson ends his term as the junior senator from Illinois, with a run for President. His campaign hits a snag when running mate Grady Sizemore is caught up in a scandal which comes to be known as Grady's LadyGate.

Todd Jones takes an interest in real estate. His homes are a hard sell once it is learned that as they are almost completed, they nearly collapse every time. Only by some miracle to stay upright and intact.

After having surgery to have a rib removed, Jeremy Bonderman has his best season as a starter. In the off season he heads to the doctors to have his entire rib cage removed. After doctors tell him that this is impossible, a distraught Bonderman retires.

Gary Sheffield becomes a best-selling author of self-help books. His latest title "Do It Your Own Damn Self, and Leave Me The F*@# Alone...and other tales of teamwork" enjoys its 5 straight week at the top of the NY Times bestsellers list.

At 85 years years old, Kenny Rogers throws out the first pitch at Opening Day. An uncomfortable scene results afterwards as Rogers refuses to leave the mound and wants to pitch the first inning as well. It seems after retiring two years ago Kenny has gotten back the itch to play.

Nate Robertson is still completely average in every way.

While in New York, Miguel Cabrera has an interesting double-header. He wins the Nathan's Hot-Dog Eating contest in the morning, and goes out and hits 3 HRs in that night's game at the newly renamed Hank Steinbrenner Rules!!! Stadium.

Magglio Ordonez's TLF (Tilde Liberation Front) leads a bloodless coup to take control of his native Venezuela. The deposed regime of Ozzie Guillen was easy to overtake, as Guillen commanded his troops to play "SmartWar". This consists of using your rifle as a club, and bunting at your enemy, instead of shooting the weapon.

Justin Verlander goes on to set all-time Tigers records for wins, strikeouts, ERA, and most body hair

Marcus Thames finally gets an invitation to the Home Run derby. The event is called before the first round is completed, as Marcus hits every ball out of the stadium.

Pudge Rodriguez is named as the manager of the Puerto Rico Toros, formerly the Florida Marlins. He promptly ends his retirement and declares himself the starting catcher.

Joel Zumaya's band "High Heat" building on their successful tour of the country, lands a cameo spot on Santana's 42nd record.

Fernando Rodney quits baseball to become a professional wrestler in Mexico. He is known as "El Sombrero Curvo".

In an effort to consolidate their abundance of young outfielders, Dave Dombroski tries an experimental fusion surgery and new outfielder Brematete Clevthoyce is born. He never sees the field as an unfortunate side effect to the surgery is an allergy to grass.

And finally...
Brandon Inge becomes a sidekick on Lou Dobbs Tonight, as Lou has taken a liking to Brandon for persevered in spite of having his job taken numerous times by Latinos

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