Monday, October 02, 2006

Screw Gum, It's beard time.

Back in 1997, as a lark I tried something to help the Red Wings win the Stanley Cup, that in my previous 17 years could not do. I grew a playoff beard, well the scraggly-ass 17 year old version of one. The day after the regular season ended I stopped shaving, and a after a sweep of Philly in the Finals (clinched on the day I graduated from High School no less) I had a scatter-shot pattern of facial hair, but the Wings were victorious. The next year, I tried the same thing, beard grew in a little better, and got the Red Wings the same result. I decided to test fate in 1999 and the answer was a semifinal loss to the Avalanche. In 2000 I felt it was unfair to use my beard against Ray Bourque even though he did play for Colorado, so I stayed clean shaven and Bourque and the Avs won the cup. Brought it back in 2001, another Red Wing championship. In 2002 I decided so see if the beard's power worked on other sporting teams. So for the Piston playoff run I was as hairy as a lumberjack, and everything was more that OK, an ass-whupping of the Lakers and an NBA title for the Pistons. I decided to retire the beard to save up it's magical powers for the teams that needed it the most...the Tigers and Lions. I swore the next time the beard cam out it would be for one of those teams. Well the razor has been stored away in the medicine cabinet. It's beard time and may God have mercy on the Yankees for they do not know what wrath I have brought down upon them.

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